This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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