Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
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He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
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STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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