last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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