Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
My liver just had a heart attack.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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