Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize