So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
