I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
