Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
