he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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