yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
