It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
