I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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