I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
