I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
