He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
