You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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