It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
my shit smells like andre
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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