i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
