If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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