Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
