I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
