is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
that is very illegal...i love you.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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