she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
