when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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