dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I could fuck to npr.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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