He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
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You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
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I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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