How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
