I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
