It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
