I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
