wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
