Your face is a jimmy john
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
