Texts From Last Night

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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.

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  (412): After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me. http://tfl.nu/f4ue
  Replies (85) Good night (2905) Bad night (764)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?

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  (617): is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again? http://tfl.nu/0m4c
  Replies (13) Good night (2790) Bad night (673)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase

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  (703): nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase http://tfl.nu/yg43
  Replies (11) Good night (4741) Bad night (1501)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship

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  (954): Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship http://tfl.nu/znld
  Replies (8) Good night (1477) Bad night (3762)
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  (914): View more from New York

  im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl

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  (914): im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl http://tfl.nu/i1d7
  Replies (15) Good night (1003) Bad night (5119)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.

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  (402): You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement. http://tfl.nu/xw5k
  Replies (14) Good night (4583) Bad night (852)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...

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  (919): Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible... http://tfl.nu/6e9j
  Replies (6) Good night (1780) Bad night (1107)
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  (415): View more from California

  get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing

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  (415): get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing http://tfl.nu/v8kn
  Replies (4) Good night (1274) Bad night (830)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.

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  (414): Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking. http://tfl.nu/i6qu
  Replies (16) Good night (1819) Bad night (622)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.

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  (801): Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable. http://tfl.nu/oq9e
  Replies (4) Good night (499) Bad night (929)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?

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  (706): Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit? http://tfl.nu/7qwr
  Replies (6) Good night (1327) Bad night (441)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

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  (+44): I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. http://tfl.nu/2qpw
  Replies (2) Good night (1292) Bad night (355)
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist

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  (229): I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist http://tfl.nu/lub5
  Replies (0) Good night (579) Bad night (276)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.

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  (561): Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later. http://tfl.nu/vwre
  Replies (1) Good night (867) Bad night (344)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night

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  (214): Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night http://tfl.nu/5aj8
  Replies (1) Good night (402) Bad night (233)

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