hell yes lets make some ravioli
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.