I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.