I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
