No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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