the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
