Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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