he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
