I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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