I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
