Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
