garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
