I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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