Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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