I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
