please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
