Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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