chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
it hurts more in the daytime
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Sorry my hands just texted you
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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