a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I would ride that face into the sunset
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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