Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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