Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
