His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
