we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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