Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
