dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
