So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
