none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
