Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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