I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
