I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
