We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Houston, we have a blender
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
