we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
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