I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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