I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
