first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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