i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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