We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
