i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I AM VODKA MAN
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
