saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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