how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
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Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
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At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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