Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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