Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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