apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I need moral support for this bender
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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