He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
