I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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