She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
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Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
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So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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