dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
